if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
your like the ambassador to my penis.
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Randomize
