there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
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