is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
Randomize
