nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
Randomize
