I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
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