I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
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