My underwear smells like fireworks.
Slut skills are useful in every country.
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
Randomize
