the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
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