I think i sorta joined a cult last night
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
Randomize
