Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
Randomize
