he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
Randomize
