I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
Randomize
