He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
this must be what syphilis tastes like
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
Randomize
