did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
Randomize
