Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
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