we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
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