Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
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