hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
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