I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
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