i just wanna soil my oats bro
I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
