I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
Randomize
