Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
Randomize
