My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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