I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
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