I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
I am midnight drunk by noon
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
