moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Randomize
