I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
