so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
Randomize
