Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
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