This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
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