Hey man sorry I got all grabby
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
Randomize
