stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Randomize
