she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
