You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
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