What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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