Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
My Sexting was not on an AP level
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
