We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
Randomize
