I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize
