Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
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