He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
Randomize
