Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
Randomize