i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Randomize
