I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
Randomize
