Soap is not a condiment
It's Friday. Sex?
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
My feet surprised me
Randomize