If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
Sorry about my life...
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
Randomize