Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize