and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
Randomize
