my soul wont recognize me after tonight
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
