awww and there was just a proposal on stage with the pussycat dolls !!!!!
Did someone propose they get off the stage?
Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
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