the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
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