the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
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