i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
Randomize
