My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
Randomize
