There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
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