i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
Randomize
