mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
Randomize