I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
Congratulations! We have a period
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