So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
Your shirt... Was in my pants
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
Randomize