Soap is not a condiment
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
Randomize
