I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
Randomize
