He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
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