The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
how do you play pong handcuffed?
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
Randomize