She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
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