she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
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