i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize
