Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
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