WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
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