I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
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