dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
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