well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
Randomize
